Is There Anything More Difficult?

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Matthew 18:22-23

One of the most difficult things God commands of us is to forgive others. When people hurt us – especially when they hurt us deeply – forgiveness can feel impossible. We feel like if we grant forgiveness to the other person, it sends a message to them that the sin they committed against us was no big deal. That it didn’t hurt us. And it can even feel like we’re granting them permission to continue to sin against us.

But guess what…

People will sin against us, whether we grant them permission or not. People will hurt us, whether we grant them permission or not. No matter how much they love us. The message we are sending is not one of “permission” but one of God’s grace and mercy. We are not dismissing the pain; what we are telling them instead is that the relationship is worth more than allowing the pain to control us.

The bible talks about two types of forgiveness.

God calls us to forgive unconditionally directly before him. One on one with God. Anything against anyone.

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

Mark 11:25

The second type of forgiveness is a little more conditional.

If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.

Luke 17:3

God doesn’t command us to immediately speak words of forgiveness to those who have hurt us. No, what he tells us is to first rebuke them. Telling someone their words or actions hurt us allows the process of forgiveness and healing to begin. The other person then has a choice. They can choose to dismiss us, or they can choose to repent.

The response may not be immediate – sometimes it takes time. If there is no repentance, God doesn’t command us to speak words of forgiveness toward them. We are still to forgive them before God, but only upon repentance are we commanded to speak those words of forgiveness directly to them.

And it’s important to remember that although we are hurt by the sins committed against us, the greatest weight of those sins is actually committed against God.

David understood that.

“Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.”

Psalms 51:4

David was a murderer, an idolater, an adulterer, and yet he recognized that his sins were ultimately sins against God. Because of this, despite all he did, God called him “favored”.

God doesn’t expect perfection. He didn’t create us to be perfect. If we were perfect, we would have no need for Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. God knows we’re going to mess up. He knows we’ll make mistakes, and he knows we’ll sin. And he loves us anyway. He forgives us anyway.

He grants us his grace and his mercy, even when we don’t deserve it.

Especially when we don’t deserve it.

Because that’s when we need it the most.

Dialog with God

I’m glad God is the rational one in our relationship. Sometimes when I feel like things in my life are getting just a little too out of control, I can get a little emotional. Maybe even a lot emotional.

I cry out to God, and sometimes I feel like the conversation goes a little like this:

Me:      I can’t believe that just happened! My world is falling apart! This is catastrophic!

God:    Relax. It’s under control.

Me:      Relax?! Don’t you know how important this is to me?!?

God:    I do. That’s kinda the point…

Me:      Then why are you letting this happen?!? I can’t handle this right now!!

God:    Don’t. Let me.

Me:      You?! What are YOU gonna do about it?! If I don’t figure out how to fix this RIGHT NOW –

God:    You can’t fix it. Just be patient. Haven’t you learned by now that you can trust me?

Me:      I guess so, but –

God:    Patience.

Me:      Fine. But –

God:    Trust.

Me:      *sigh*

            Can I –

God:    Faith.

Me:      Ok, ok.

God:    Perhaps you could do some reading while you wait. Let me recommend a Good Book…

And then a few days go by. I’ve stopped worrying about the problem, but I’ve also kind of given up hope that it will be resolved. I’ve just come to a place of acceptance…

And then God surprises me.

He fixes it. Just like that. Effortlessly.

Me:      Thanks God. I guess you were right. I realize I can trust you, after all.

God:    See. I told you.

Me:      I’ll never doubt you again…

A week later…

Me:      I can’t believe that just happened! My world is falling apart! This is catastrophic!

God:    Relax. Don’t you remember the last time you said that?

Me:      Yeah, but –

God:    Really? Are you REALLY gonna make me go there again?

Me:      *sigh* I’ll get the Book…

It's Friday now.... but Sunday's coming.

Dear God,

If you must hit me over the head with a 2x4 to get my attention, please do it good and hard the first time, because you know I can be stubborn and I'd just like to avoid having to go through it all again. And again and again and again...

Amen

A dear friend of mine shared with me a prayer much like that one. And I get it. I don’t always like it, but I get it.

I’ve been blessed with the gift of “adaptability”. It’s great in many respects – plans changing at the last minute don’t usually cause me stress; interruptions in tasks I’m trying to complete don’t generally frustrate me; and all of life’s little hiccups are merely opportunities to engage my creative thinking abilities. But sometimes my ability to adapt so easily in certain circumstances also prevents me from learning the lessons God might be trying to teach me in those times.

So occasionally I require an all-out blow to the noggin.

And that’s not fun.

In those times, I find myself in a place of brokenness, with nowhere to go but to God.

Brokenness looks different for everyone. We all have our own personal limits – the extent to which we can handle things that come up in our lives on our own. And God takes us to those limits. And then he takes us past them. Because he wants us to remember that it is only through him that we will find true strength. We gain nothing by relying only on our own abilities.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. (James 1:2-3)

My brokenness comes through trials of many kinds. Not one big trial, and not trials here and there – but a sudden onslaught of difficult trials of many kinds. Financial struggles that leave me feeling hopeless; relationship struggles that leave me feeling wounded; parenting struggles that leave me feeling powerless; even heart struggles that force me to recognize that I’ve been relying on idols rather than God. Ouch.

And I know I’m not alone in saying that these trials don’t exactly elicit “pure joy” from my heart! But I realized something… that verse doesn’t say I have to feel pure joy in the midst of my trials. It just says I have to consider it. The dictionary defines consider as to think carefully about; to contemplate; to reflect on. That’s a little easier for me to wrap my heart around. I can think about joy. I can contemplate joy. I can reflect on joy. Even when I don’t feel joy. Because the feelings of pure joy will eventually follow, just as James goes on...

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:4)

When I allow God to test me, and when I respond by trusting in him, I give him the opportunity to produce in me a maturity and a completeness that only he can accomplish.

He never promised me I wouldn’t have pain. In fact, he promised exactly the opposite. But he also promised that he’d see me through it and that ultimately, he had already conquered it for me anyway. All I have to do is trust that he’ll get me to the place where he’s already waiting for me.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)

And if nothing else, these trials have given me a greater and deeper appreciation for the cross. On this Friday, we remember the immense and unimaginable suffering and death of Jesus. For us. For me. So that I could stand blameless before the Father. I don't deserve his grace, but he gives it to me anyway. Because of Jesus. And on Sunday, we will celebrate the miracle of the Resurrection.

Without his death, there is no resurrection.

Without my suffering, there is no redemption.

It's Friday now.... but Sunday's coming.

A New Direction

A man's heart plans his course, but the Lord directs his steps. (Proverbs 16:9)

It’s hard to believe, with today’s temperature estimated to hit almost 90 degrees, that we were in the midst of winter just a few short months ago.

Today as I was clearing the memory card on my camera, I came across some photos I had taken one beautiful winter afternoon, following a peaceful but heavy snowfall. The kids and I had been driving through a park, admiring God’s lovely artwork in the snow-covered trees, and I couldn’t help but attempt to capture some of the gorgeous scenery with my camera. The kids laughed at me as I stopped several times, right in the middle of the road, to jump out of the car and run up and down the slushy street, snapping photo after photo of the trees God had used as the canvas for his masterpiece.

The beauty of it all was breathtaking. The way the snow appeared to sit oh-so-perfectly balanced on the otherwise naked branches of the trees; the way the white-covered ground blended itself almost seamlessly into the white-gray sky; the way the trunks of the trees turned themselves into jagged branches, which reached carelessly in every direction until disappearing into the backdrop of the ground-meeting-the-sky.

I couldn’t imagine anything more beautiful.

And then we hit a road block.

Apparently in the midst of the peaceful snow storm, a tree had come down. The weight of the snow on its branches appeared simply to be too much for its somehow weakened frame to hold, and it had fallen right in the middle of the road on which we were driving.

We were forced to turn around.

I was a little disappointed. I was looking forward to continuing to take in the beauty I was sure would continue down the road which I had chosen to take. I was annoyed at the obstacle in front of me because it was preventing me from going where I wanted to go.

But upon turning the car around, I noticed something incredible. The back-sides of the trees, which had been hidden from me before due to the direction I had been travelling, were as beautifully snow-covered as the branches above them!

Had I continued in the direction I had initially chosen, I never would have seen the opposite side of them. But the obstacle in my path forced me to choose a new direction, and because of that, I was blessed with a new perspective!

And it hit me.

How often does God do this to us?

How often does God call us to travel in a new direction by allowing us to encounter obstacles in our lives?

Oftentimes we call out to him – sometimes in annoyance at minor inconveniences, and other times in agony over more devastating situations – asking him why he allows these things to get in the way of the plans we’ve made for our lives.

But God sees the beginning and the end. He sees what we do not. And when we humble ourselves to God’s redirection, sometimes we are amazed to see things from a new perspective, which we may have never before considered. Our eyes become opened to things we never would have seen, had we not been forced to turn around and choose a new path.

Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light on my path. (Psalm 119:105)