Is There Anything More Difficult?

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Matthew 18:22-23

One of the most difficult things God commands of us is to forgive others. When people hurt us – especially when they hurt us deeply – forgiveness can feel impossible. We feel like if we grant forgiveness to the other person, it sends a message to them that the sin they committed against us was no big deal. That it didn’t hurt us. And it can even feel like we’re granting them permission to continue to sin against us.

But guess what…

People will sin against us, whether we grant them permission or not. People will hurt us, whether we grant them permission or not. No matter how much they love us. The message we are sending is not one of “permission” but one of God’s grace and mercy. We are not dismissing the pain; what we are telling them instead is that the relationship is worth more than allowing the pain to control us.

The bible talks about two types of forgiveness.

God calls us to forgive unconditionally directly before him. One on one with God. Anything against anyone.

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

Mark 11:25

The second type of forgiveness is a little more conditional.

If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.

Luke 17:3

God doesn’t command us to immediately speak words of forgiveness to those who have hurt us. No, what he tells us is to first rebuke them. Telling someone their words or actions hurt us allows the process of forgiveness and healing to begin. The other person then has a choice. They can choose to dismiss us, or they can choose to repent.

The response may not be immediate – sometimes it takes time. If there is no repentance, God doesn’t command us to speak words of forgiveness toward them. We are still to forgive them before God, but only upon repentance are we commanded to speak those words of forgiveness directly to them.

And it’s important to remember that although we are hurt by the sins committed against us, the greatest weight of those sins is actually committed against God.

David understood that.

“Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.”

Psalms 51:4

David was a murderer, an idolater, an adulterer, and yet he recognized that his sins were ultimately sins against God. Because of this, despite all he did, God called him “favored”.

God doesn’t expect perfection. He didn’t create us to be perfect. If we were perfect, we would have no need for Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. God knows we’re going to mess up. He knows we’ll make mistakes, and he knows we’ll sin. And he loves us anyway. He forgives us anyway.

He grants us his grace and his mercy, even when we don’t deserve it.

Especially when we don’t deserve it.

Because that’s when we need it the most.